Musings

SO. I’ve been doing okay with keeping up on here. That being said, I did have some content already prepared to go when I launched this site so that has definitely been helpful in maintaining a consistent stream of posts. As I’ve mentioned, I go through super productive phases where I’m writing all the time and full of inspiration, but there as just as many times where writing and focusing on that creative side can feel like a chore. I guess anything worth having will involve hard work and dedication in times when it would be easier to do nothing, or to give up. Sometimes when things feel too overwhelming, the urge to curl up and literally do nothing can become really hard to resist for me. This is how I end up eating out or ordering instead of cooking- something I genuinely enjoy doing. It’s easy to make yourself ignore the fact that you’re choosing not to do things you enjoy, because you’re tired or overwhelmed from the things you HAVE to do.

I enjoy my job. I’m good at it, I get to do different things, on good days I feel fulfilled by what I do. On bad days I feel consumed by work and can’t wait to get home. By the time I make it home or have a minute to breathe, I’m worn out. I’m mentally, emotionally, and physically over everything and the idea of doing ANYTHING (even things I enjoy) feels like too much. I can have workaholic tendencies, and I can push myself past the point I should stop at. Making excuses that support that pattern, is second nature. I work hard, I do everything I can to take care of my family, and when I get around to thinking about me and my needs all I can think about is the need to rest. The down side, is that leaves me feeling pretty unfulfilled or rewarded in my personal life.

The first step is always recognizing that you have a problem, right? I need to put just as much effort towards myself and activities I enjoy as I do towards other people’s needs and my job. This blog is a way for me to remember that a little more. Even though it would be easy to order dinner tonight, I’m going to cook a meal. It would be easy to stop writing and watch a show or listen to a podcast, but I’m going to write. I could be happy sleeping in late tomorrow, staying warm and cozy in my bed for much longer than necessary. But I think I’ll get up, make myself a coffee, and go outside with my daughters while there’s still some sun around. With little steps and little choices, maybe I can grow more personally and feel like a more well rounded person. Just some thoughts.